Disclaimer: Remington Steele is owned by MTM and all the grand high mucky mucks. No copyright infringement is intended and no money was made from this of course. Any similarity to any other story not my own is coincidence.
Title: When All is Lost
Genre: Remington Steele; angst
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: Immediately following the end of the series
Author's Notes: Soooo... I intended this one to go the way of smut, but *shrug* it demanded to be a story of angst and tears instead.
Remington rested his forehead against the cool shower tiles and let the stinging torrent wash down his back, seeking some measure of release from the tension that was tying him up in knots. Blindly, he reached out to turn the water up to near scalding temperatures before pressing his palms to the blue patterned ceramic.
“Laura...” he breathed painfully, as close to a prayer as he had come to in several lifetimes. “Oh, Laura...”
Remington arched his spine into the heat, frustrated, aching, and heart-sore.
“Damn,” he swore softly, almost comforted by the familiar and faintly chemical taste of LA water on his lips. But after several minutes of it being the only comfort he was experiencing, Remington turned off the faucet with a sigh and stepped out of the shower. For a moment, he simply stood on the bath mat, letting the water droplets cool on his almost over-heated skin.
“Damn...”
He ran a quick hand through his dark wet hair and reached for a towel from the rack.
“It doesn't have to be like this,” he murmured.
Remington dried himself off briskly before pulling back on his comfort worn blue jeans and wrapping the damp towel around his still tense shoulders.
“It shouldn't be like this,” he corrected into the empty bathroom as he stepped out into the open space of Laura's loft.
He paused when he saw her sitting on the piano bench, her back to him and her shoulders shaking silently. Almost instinctively, Remington took a step forward before checking himself.
“Damn...” she muttered, unknowingly echoing the man behind her as she painfully brushed unseen tears from her eyes and began to play.
For several moments, only the deeply melancholy sounds of Chopin filled the vast walls of the loft and the empty gulf between them. Then, just as abruptly as Laura had begun playing, she stopped. Remington still hadn't moved from his spot near the bathroom door.
“I was scared,” Laura said finally, loudly enough that Remington knew he was meant to hear her. “Terrified actually,” she admitted. She waited, and when he said nothing in response, she sighed softly and continued.
“In Ireland, after the phone call, when we didn't... when...” Laura hesitated before taking a deep breath to steady herself. “In Ireland, you asked me 'why Tony?' Well... that's why. I was terrified, and Tony, he was safe; a hell of a lot safer than you.”
Laura stiffened slightly when she heard Remington's small sound of disbelief.
“You asked me why, and I'm trying to be honest here,” she replied a touch defensively.
“So you're saying that everything with Anthony, with you, was all about how safe he was?” Remington asked, the quiet incredulity he felt clear in his voice, even from across the room. “About how much safer he was than me?”
“Yes,” Laura replied simply before touching the piano keys again as if she would return to her playing. Then she sighed softly. “Yes,” she repeated.
Remington saw her delicate frame shiver slightly, almost as if she were cold, although he know that she couldn't be in the warm LA loft.
“Tony would have been just a 'teeth rattling, eye rolling fling' as Bernice would say.”
Remington made a small sound. “And that made him safe, safer than me?”
“Yes... yes, because you wouldn't be,” Laura countered. “You could never be just...” she answered, emphasizing the word. “It could never be just a 'teeth rattling, eye rolling' fling with you.”
Despite himself, Remington took a step forward.
“And that's terrifying,” she added. “You don't know how terrifying. And that thought makes me... well, it makes me hold back. It has from the beginning I think.”
Laura shivered again, crossing her arms in front of herself as if she could physically hold back her emotions as well as her body.
“I could lose myself so easily in you... in us. I could fall into you and get lost. And the scary thing is... is that a very real part of me wants to do just that. A very determinedly romantic and impulsive part of me thinks that, that would be glorious.”
“And you're afraid I'm going to leave,” Remington supplied. “Laura...”
“Yes...no...” she interrupted. “I mean yes, you leaving would be... it would...”
She took a deep breath instead of completing the statement.
“But I know you would never leave,” she said instead.
“Then what...”
“I know now that you would never leave me,” she interrupted again. “And that's another part of what makes you just so...”
“Unsafe?” Remington offered.
“Unsafe,” Laura agreed. “It's one thing when it comes to the agency. I mean, at least there it's not really you. I mean, it is, but it's as much my Remington Steele as it is you. Besides, with the agency, we both know ourselves and where each of us stands... more or less... But outside of the agency?”
She shrugged briefly.
“I've already hidden myself in you, or at least the idea of you, at the agency and I'm fine with that... well, mostly... but it's just me and you here, and we're so...”
Remington took a few steps closer.
“Laura, I'm trying to understand, I really am, but...”
“Who am I?” she asked abruptly.
“What?” Remington asked, completely thrown and confused by her question.
“Who am I? And if we did this, if I let myself get lost in this, who would I be? Would I still be me? Would I still be who I am?”
She finally turned on the piano bench to face Remington, her autumn eyes vulnerable, confused, and a whole host of other emotions that he was at a loss to readily identify.
“What if I get lost?'
Suddenly, Remington had a flash of insight.
“You keep talking about getting lost Laura. But what if it's the other way around?”
“The other way?”
“That's how it was... how it is with me,” he replied. He closed the distance between them until he was near enough for her to hear him as he practically whispered, “I found myself, Laura. With you, when I met you, I found myself.”
He reached out carefully to tilt her face upwards, his fingertips gentle on her chin.
“So maybe it's time you find yourself.”
Remington leaned down, bringing his lips close enough to hers to breath her in softly.
“With me...”
He waited; waited for Laura to make the next move.
“Maybe...” she whispered, and brushed her lips against his lightly. When she pulled back slightly, Laura watched Remington's lips a moment, quickly licking her own. “Maybe...”
Again, she brushed her lips over his in something that was only the promise of a kiss before pulling back abruptly.
“No...” she protested softly.
Laura stepped away from Remington quickly, ignoring the bench behind her and simply pushing it backwards until both it, and she, fetched up against the piano itself with a discordant thump.
“Laura...” Remington soothed. “Laura...”
He stepped carefully into her space once more.
“Don't you want us to be lovers?”
She took a deep breath, steadying herself.
“You know I do,” she replied. “But...”
He interrupted her gently with a kiss.
“Then let yourself love me,” Remington urged her.
“Love you...”
“Love me...” he whispered, brushing his lips over hers until she quietly responded, letting herself sink into a deeper kiss. His lips were warm, and subtle, and exquisitely persuasive.
“I promise you won't lose yourself,” he whispered against her mouth. “You could never do that...”
Laura pushed at his chest.
“I have before,” she countered a bit breathlessly, her voice almost hallow. “It's happened before, and I can't... I can't let it happen again.”
Remington stepped back just a bit to look carefully at her.
“I won't...”
“Laura... please...”
“I won't,” she repeated more forcefully. “This can't happen...”
“Damn it, Laura,” Remington interrupted.
“No,” she interrupted in turn as he opened his mouth to continue. “No...” She met his eyes almost painfully, her own glimmering with aching tears. “No... I love you... I love you too much to let myself love you.”
“Laura, you're not making any sense,” Remington protested. “Can't we just...”
“No,” she interrupted before suddenly ducking past him. Without looking back, she practically ran to the loft door. She rested her hand on the door handle.
“You can... you can stay here tonight. I'll stay at a friend's.”
“Laura, don't do this, stay with me...”
She slid open the loft door.
“I'll see you at the office tomorrow,” she replied.
Remington made a move to catch her up.
“Don't... just... let me go,” Laura said, still not turning around. She slid open the loft door and fled into the LA heat.
“Laura...” Remington whispered into the suddenly empty loft. “Oh God, Laura...”
He slumped to the floor in defeat.
“Don't do this to us... please...”
He lowered his face to his hands and cried as he hadn't since childhood...
FIN
Book of Light and Shadows - Post a comment
More Scribblings of a Hopeful Romantic
- It's all because I have a puckish side that will not be denied...

this Marriage
-by John Ciardi
Most like an arch - an entrance which upholds
And shores the stone-crush up the air like lace.
Mass made idea, and idea held in place.
A lock in time. Inside half-heaven unfolds.
Most like an arch - two weaknesses that lean
Into a strength. Two fallings become firm.
Two joined abeyances become a term
Naming the fact that teaches fact to mean.
Not quite that? Not much less. World as it is,
What's strong and separate falters. All I do
At piling stone on stone apart from you
Is roofless around nothing. Till we kiss
I am no more than upright and unset.
It is by falling in and in we make
The all-bearing point, for one another's sake,
In faultless failing, raised by our own weight.


Looking for Your Face
-by Rumi
From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it.
Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for.
Today I have found you
and those that laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did.
I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you with a hundred eyes.
My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold.
I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine.
Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow.
My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you
Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
and you have made radiant
for me
the earth and sky.
My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer.

and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts
mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

-by Eastmountainsouth
As the music at the banquet
As the wine before the meal
As the firelight in the night
So are you to me
As the ruby in the setting
As the fruit upon the tree
As the wind blows over the plains
So are you to me
As the wind blows over the plains
So are you to me
So are you to me

- Gathering the Petals
- celebrity: claudia black
- celebrity: david boreanaz
- celebrity: emilie autumn
- celebrity: emily deschanel
- character: aeryn sun
- character: bones misc
- character: cara mason
- character: chiana
- character: chiba mamoru
- character: chibi-usa
- character: darken rahl
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- character: kahlan amnell
- character: kate beckett
- character: kaylee frye
- character: lots misc
- character: malcolm reynolds
- character: myka bering
- character: olivia dunham
- character: peter bishop
- character: peter lattimer
- character: richard castle
- character: richard cypher
- character: river tam
- character: rory gilmore
- character: rose tyler
- character: seeley booth
- character: temperance b
- character: the doctor
- character: tsukino usagi
- character: zedd
- character: zhann
- fanart: fanfiction
- fanart: graphics
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- fanart: picspams
- fanart: vids
- fanart: wallpapers
- fandom: alice in wonderland
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- fandom: anime
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- fandom: bones
- fandom: bsg
- fandom: castle
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- fandom: chuck
- fandom: doctor who
- fandom: earth 2
- fandom: enchanted
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- fandom: gilmore girls
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- fandom: lord of the rings
- fandom: manga
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- fandom: tin man
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- genre: 5 things
- genre: au
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- genre: fanfiction short story
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- genre: meme
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- misc: challenges
- misc: collaboration
- misc: faeries
- misc: fandom inspired
- misc: flist
- misc: just talking
- misc: legendland big-bang
- misc: link post
- misc: scifi challenge
- misc: scifiland big-bang
- misc: seeking eden
- misc: song inspired
- misc: vampires
- misc: wip
- original: fiction
- original: poetry
- pairing: aeryn & john
- pairing: alice & mad hatter
- pairing: brennan & booth
- pairing: chiana & d'argo
- pairing: cordelia & angel
- pairing: delenn & john
- pairing: devon & danziger
- pairing: dorothy & wyatt
- pairing: elizabeth & cameron
- pairing: giselle & robert
- pairing: inara & malcolm
- pairing: ivy & rachel
- pairing: javajunkie
- pairing: kagome & inuyasha
- pairing: kahlan & richard
- pairing: kara & lee
- pairing: kate & richard castle
- pairing: kaylee & simon
- pairing: laura & remington
- pairing: marian & robin
- pairing: meredith & derek
- pairing: miss parker & jarod
- pairing: murphy & dresden
- pairing: olivia & peter
- pairing: rose & the doctor
- pairing: roslin & adama
- pairing: sarah & harmon
- pairing: sarah walker & chuck
- pairing: scully & mulder
- pairing: serenity & endymion
- pairing: sparky
- pairing: t'pol & trip
- pairing: teyla & john
- pairing: teyla & rodney
- pairing: usagi & mamoru
- pairing: yuna & tidus
- rating: g
- rating: multiple
- rating: nc-17
- rating: pg
- rating: pg-13
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- rating: r
- Other Places to Be
- May 2025
1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
hopeful_romantic (
hopeful_romantic) wrote on April 9th, 2011 at 09:55 am
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"When All is Lost" - Remington Steele Fic (PG-13)